mehh...

Anyone had their life seem like it's slowly and painfully fading. I have a little tickle that I'm slightly over-reacting but that's what it feels like at the moment. It seems like Dad is the strong one now, holding everyone, sometimes it's mum but if something upsets her or she's angry then it's Dad.

I think since Nani (Granny in Hindi) died, Mum has had a chunk taken out of her. No wonder, it was her mum, but I feel like it's something else... like she is slowly losing her fire on somedays and just throwing in the towel, saying she doesn't want to do it anymore, giving up.

Everyone has off days - I know that I definitely do, but I don't know, it's something different, like over a long time. I think all of the fighting is wearing her down. Because Jaz (sister) is being (excuse my language) a bitch and I admit it, I hold my hand up high, I can be a bitch sometimes too, but I guess it't just the teenager stage. Everyone goes through it, good days and bad. But you only ever hear about your friends good days. Does it ever feel like you wish your life was more like there's? Sometimes I think a little bit like that... But then I remember how lucky I am and that everyone goes through good times and bad times and it's just natural. I would never change my family for anything.

I guess mum has just been agitating me recently because even though my GCSE's (important exams) are in 1 year, I get stressed quite easily and so obviously, can feel the pressure and stress inside me building up bit by bit and I feel like it's just going to get too much. And then mum keeps on going on about how I shouldn't be watching telly and should be working and asking if all of my notes are up to date and how I need to do more work... etc I think you get the point. I know she just wants to help but I keep on telling  her that I know what I need to do and I will do it. But I guess that loads of kids my age think they know what they are doing and so they don't need their parents help. But I do do the work and I do get it done. I just need to show her that. I think she wants to help me but she needs to know that when I need help I will ask. And I keep on telling her that it just stresses me out even more when she goes on at me about my work and my notes, because I know I need to do notes and I will and am doing them.

Anyway- enough already!!! That's what you're probably thinking! This has surprisingly helped! Weird! You guys should try it... I thought it might but I feel much more relived. Thanks everyone!! I feel like you all anonymously understand me! haha!

Love dolphinlover xx