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Had a hard short talk with Mum today about Dad. She was explaining about how he is really really sick. I don't think I've ever thought about it so hard, how he may not have another birthday or Christmas. That's really pessimistic but sometimes it's hard to get those thoughts out of my head. I always watch these bride shows and see the gorgeous brides walking down the aisle with their Dad linking them and wish and pray that one day Dad and I will be doing that same thing.
Dad's really not well at the moment and I really want someone to cry to but I'm my own worst enemy and don't want to dampen people with my own problems. I don't want to seem selfish in that sense and make their days worse just because I can't handle my own problems.
I guess I never thought Dad would ever leave because he's always so strong around me and even though I've seen him sick and weak, he always tries to put on a brave face and hide the pain he is going through.
I can't imagine what he is going through and so I feel selfish thinking about losing him and stuff.
Just thinking that one day he may be gone makes me so depressed and I just can't imagine what I'd do.
I know that no tears can make all of the tumours disappear but I pray that our happiness makes him better. No tears will change anything. They're pointless, but sometimes it just feels good to cry.